Arsehole

Morning Crevo. First smoke yet?

Aya is bad ass. man its like sitting in a flight and the plane is on a nose dive and about to crash w the same sort of panic and intensity but fucking worse cause it last for days. I have done sittings w women screaming saying that the pain is worse than giving birth. 1st the shaman stick a horn like thing in. your nose w grounded tabacco and coca leaves and blows it in to your brain and so fucking painful you start bolling like a little girl. You start tripping and then shaman that is praying over the Aya serves it to you in a cup and you are supposed to swale it like shot. It sort of taste like mud and chark , its narly. Good night.

I don't know about any hot actor or musician. I never understood the Brad appeal , he had a pizza face wtf? whatever. I don't know, I got to continue healing, I don't want to die w all this baggage, I must continue purging and healing. I don't think I find anyone in particular attractive. It's really hard to explain,. I just enjoy the company of other men vs women. Even in the Aya gatherings , i connect w women and then the moment i tell them that i'm a homo they treat me like total shit. Like I get treated better by other men than women. I do these integration groups and this lady kept making remarks like... well maybe if you weren't gay we could have had something going? and am I really? oh i did had a boy crash on what's his name? Funkyrepublic, he was a cool kat and funny AF.

TBH I don't think he is doing good. Sigh. I can't find a fucking doctor for him. They need to shut down his immune system for him to heal but that opens him up to multitude of infections even a flea bite could cause him to go in to septic cnock . So i have to find some one who specialist on lupus that can balance it well. He is only 5 and we use to go on 5 miles a day hike, now he gets really tired and he has to lay down along the way. so hard to watch.

yeah right? yes totally fucked up. I'm still rapping my head around his passing kind of crazy. They lived in Montreal. So I told them I was a homo and they flipped the fuck off so I totally lost my shit. I mean come on. I mean the whole family went like fucking crazy. How can everyone be so fucking diluted . I lived in SF and I go to the opera and ballet. come on! I was doing hella of drugs towards the end.. and the whole gay thing had been in my peripheral vision for a while but i never really simmered in it for long enough. I mean i'm not planning to act out on it. Aya was painful AF and having to faced the Matrix but the homo thing could not be purged. I'm not aiming for it. I got to love who I am and that's the end. I will be traveling to do some more plus mushrooms in July and then im returning to Belize in November. I have told my employer that i'm leaving in 11 months now. Anyway. cause I will be training to become an Aya practitioner, sex is not allowed. or porn.

Flan sang Disney Toons! I could never reach that level of gayness. I'm not even Ned's gay or Atjap... Now that's gay. I'm like Heterosexul gay.

That's gay.

I have to do more ayahuasca and figure that shit up. I had an affair w this other male that was like 20 year older when I was in my 20's after the girl that i was dating had an abortion. It was all pretty fucked up , It all came back out w Aya. Anyway. I'm attending reintegration groups now and I haven't been this oriented in fucking years. And yes I know some Vegans that are fat as fuck. Like i could eat chiles rellenos and vegetable tempura for days or even rice and beans are pure starch. fucking gross, I'm hiking 5 to 6 miles a day and then i'm fasting 3 days at a time no food just organic apple juice. Luciano is pretty sick and it brakes my fucking heart. He has open sores all over his body specially around his eyes and mouth. It looks like Herpes Virus. Some get it internally which is pretty deadly but Lucci only has it in his skin. It's going to be another month before we see an specialist. They will try to shut down his immune system because Lupus is cause by a hyper active immune system. Wolfie got cancer but he survived it and he is back to normal... i saw him 2 weeks ago for his birthday. he is 7 years old now and Lucci is 5 . sigh. time is flying by so fast. Hope you are well and healthy.

That socc Ned account is FAF jajajaja. Did i told you my dad ended up passing last oct but no body told me. Isn't hat fucked up. I will never forgive my mother for that.. she is dead to me too. . Yeah, life is good. I finally can become the human i was mean to be w/o the gravitational pull of my parents and/or "family". You didn't seem surprised that I'm a low caliber homo. it's OK. I told tony and he was like bruh you are a homo. I'm in peace w it now. Aya really changed me. Like now I go to the forest and want to have sex w the trees and shit. Maybe I'm not a homo . Maybe I just thought I am a homo because i stop finding women disarible.