You're number one on their most wanted list! If I was a dirty copper scumbag, I'd be watching you too!

The flowerpot is probably the most expensive thing at your caravan?

If I was there I'd crack it right off your ugly fucking head, then slit your throat with the jabby bit.

Did you get that flowerpot thing in your avatar from Ikea? Ren wants one for the bedroom.

You can just call me master, as usual.

Why do they need to inspect a safe full of vibrators, cock rings, and spikey condoms?

I've copyrighted the "Wild Buck Negro" name. I'm bringing out a range of black chewing gum.

Why? What child did you touch?

You and Cranky share the same sense of humour. Your mothers probably got raped and impregnated by the same wild buck negro.

People who drink Nescafe don't deserve to live. Have you ever thought about throwing yourself off a cliff on to a bed of blunt spikes that are coated with Johnny's shite, or spending 10 minutes talking to Cranky about American politics?

I'm trying to think which death would be more excruciating?

You should get yourself a phone that can handle 3G, then you won't have to climb that massive mountain just to get a signal. Or you can get a tent and just move permanently to the top of the mountain. It'll be an upgrade from your filthy ramshackle trailer.